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Joke Number: 239
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, You might live in Minnesota. If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, You might live in Minnesota. If you have ever refused to buy something because it's 'too spendy', You might live in Minnesota If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, You might live in Minnesota . If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, You might live in Minnesota If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, You might live in Minnesota If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You might live in Minnesota If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, You might live in Minnesota If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi ... Cloquet Edina...and Shakopee, You might live in Minnesota If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, You might live in Minnesota If vacation means going 'up north' for the weekend, You might live in Minnesota If you measure distance in hours, You might live in Minnesota If You know several people, who have hit deer more than once, You might live in Minnesota If You often switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, You might live in Minnesota If You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, You might live in Minnesota If You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, You might live in Minnesota If You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, You might live in Minnesota You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison, You might live in Minnesota You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them, You might live in Minnesota If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lots at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time, You might live in Minnesota If You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, You might live in Minnesota If Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, You might live in Minnesota If You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, You might live in Minnesota If You can identify a southern or eastern accent, You might live in Minnesota If Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce, You might live in Minnesota If 'Down South' to you means Iowa , You might live in Minnesota If You know 'a brat' is something you eat, You might live in Minnesota If You find -10 degrees 'a little chilly', You might live in Minnesota If You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends, You DO live in Minnesota OR you might be from Minnesota
Submitted by: From the guy who liv
Date: 2007-12-10

Joke Number: 182
If you hate work, join a support group. They are all over meeting at the bar.
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2005-05-16

Joke Number: 161
George Carlin's Views on Aging Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! < BR>But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! . He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2005-02-08

Joke Number: 136
Liberal Arts Major... Will Think For Money Growing Old is Inevitable; Growing Up is Optional Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law. Often Wrong...Never In Doubt If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't For You Old Age Comes at a Bad Time First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order.
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2004-10-20

Joke Number: 135
We envision to enthusiastically foster high-payoff information so that we may authoritatively customize unique deliverables while promoting personal employee growth. Forecasting is like trying to drive a car blindfolded and following directions given by a person who is looking out of the back window
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2004-10-20

Joke Number: 134
When we gather information from the world, we contribute to its entropy and hence its unknowability. (Otto Rossler)
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2004-10-20

Joke Number: 132
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2004-10-20

Joke Number: 131
A bit of wisdom.... "I am always doing what I cannot do yet in order to learn how to do it." -Vincent Van Gogh
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2004-10-20

Joke Number: 130
Two Wolves One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself. He said, "My son, it is between 2 wolves. One is evil: Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego... "The other is good: Joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith..." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one I feed." -- Author Unknown
Submitted by: The Sundance Kid
Date: 2004-10-20

Joke Number: 32
SAYINGS: The heart has reasons which reason does not know. One little smile can fill the room with sunshine. Push yourself to notice the extraordinary in the ordinary. Trust is the most valuable thing you'll ever earn. You are the star for which all evenings wait. Love is a flower, friendship, a flowering tree. You worked hard -- promise yourself a reward. Nothing is as strong as gentleness or a gentle as strength. If you live in the present, every moment is a new beginning.
Submitted by:
Date: 2004-01-31

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